The days aren't long enough.
I had a weird emotional set back this weekend but mainly things have been fine. Monday and Tuesday have flown by and I need to wake up extra early tomorrow to try to catch up on work. 😫😫😫 March marks the one year anniversary for me at my new (well, relatively new) job! Also the one year anniversary of me dropping my ex off at the airport. I thought I would see him again but that's not how that shit played out. And that shit is painful to swallow. The shame and sadness and regret and everything is way easier to manage now, in sobriety. But I still feel like... wow I fucked up, so bad. The silver lining is that through this new job and through this new lens of sobriety, I have one year of independence under my belt (as shaky as it's been, at times). And I'm proud of myself for... continuing to live life. I don't know that I've entirely moved on (emotionally, mentally, spiritually) but I am moving. Inching to that place of forward motion.
Damn, I really have a lump in my throat.
Beyond all of that. At work and in life, I just feel stressed and like I'm not doing enough. I've been taking my anxiety pills to calm down and as a sleeping aid. They are non addictive, and it's helpful that I can take them daily or as needed.
I was gonna try to write individual blog posts for each day but honestly - it's just a formality. I don't need to stress about my blog -- this is supposed to be a source of joy and stress relief and catharsis.
In general, I'm tired of telling myself what I *should* do. Or *should* be doing. Sometimes my expectations for myself are just SO lofty and out of control. Tackle one thing at a time girl, things are gonna be just fine. Ah. One year. I'm a person. Everything keeps happening.