Sometimes there are moments where I just feel like. Woah. I really don't belong. There have been a few situtations lately where I've felt like a nuisance to people I love. When that happens, I need to repeat my mantras and let myself be enough. But. My instinct is to ... flee and cry.
I have been reading Jen Sincero's You Are A Badass on and off for the last several months. She helps me access some of the self love talk I desperately need.
“You are loved. Massively. Ferociously. Unconditionally. The Universe is totally freaking out about how awesome you are. It’s got you wrapped in a warm gorilla hug of adoration. It wants to give you everything you desire. It wants you to be happy. It wants you to see what it sees in you.” ― Jen Sincero, You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life
Today I'm just trying to focus on the moments of sobriety that have felt really great. And how great it will feel to reach a full year of a clear mind. I guess part of the deal is that I can't escape or numb my feelings when I'm not drinking. Which is good. I'm trying to lean into the discomfort instead of running away or finding a new vice/coping mechanism. I think I may be down in the dumps because I have a cold. So my body is just like, no dude. Shut it down. I also probably need to drink hella water and I'm only drinking a little bit to a medium bit of water. I'm a little down but things will be ok.