Feeling more aware of my body. Need exercise, need water, need green things. I feel like drinking often threw a wrench in my good intentions of focusing more on wellness. I was constantly shocking my body with alcohol and forcing myself to start back at zero. I feel like I'm at about 65% right now but I know I'm not gonna deplete all my mental/ physical/ emotional energy with a binge. So I can slowly keep climbing. The goal isn't even 100% necessarily. The goal is ... to stop running on empty. Running on empty wasn't working for me.
I sort of feel despair when I think about never being able to drink alcohol again, but I'm reminding myself that sobriety is a daily choice that I get to keep making. Directing my mental energy there is comforting and makes it all feel more manageable. Staying wary of the addict voice in my head that's like "Hey! You aren't addicted! You've gone ten days without it! You're cured." Like, nah bitch. I'm tired of feeling like shit and I'm not gonna do it anymore.