Pretty productive day at work today. I have my annual review later this month and I'm sort of terrified. I have been learning how to accept feedback and criticism without taking it so personally, which has really been a huge weight off my shoulders. So, I am gonna be zen af and try my best to learn and grow!
Went to my second 12 step program meeting tonight. It was nice. I felt like the speakers were all very warm and seemed connected, in a spiritual but not overtly religious way. They described alcoholism as a spiritual condition and there is a certain truth to that, some part of that resonated with me. Like, dang. Has my spirit just been sick this whole time? The more I get to know myself, the more I realize how far away from myself I had gotten when my drinking was really excessive. It seems so clear now - I was exacerbating my stress and anxiety and everything with heavy drinking. Just totally making myself exhausted and masking my true self.
I want to feel connected to others and the universe. I see spirituality as something I can embrace to deepen empathy and strengthen my relationship with myself and others. Sometimes the warmth of the sun feels like god to me. I think joy and gratitude is all tied up into this. I just feel grateful to even be alive today and I think the honesty and vulnerability of a 12 step program kind of acts as a slice of humble pie at times.