Back from Guatemala. Kind of unbelievable that I was able to travel to another country and stay sober. Ask me two years ago if I could do it. I'd laugh. I'd order another beer.
I keep receiving signs from the universe that it's time for me to start working on my moral inventory for my 12 step program. In Guatemala, one of the girls leading the retreat/group said that she (while not in AA and not sober) does an inventory every 3 months. Just cleans house. Makes a list of what's working, what needs improvement. It's not some huge list of moral failures – it's just a glance at what needs to happen and what already happened (positive and negative).
I think I get so afraid. I think of what I've done, who I've hurt, when I've been selfish, etc. And I freeze up. I already know I'm "bad" so writing it down will just solidify the pity party. But I don't really have to think of it that way. I can choose to think of it differently. Then, I went to a meeting last night and the speaker talked mainly of step four, the inventory. The universe is like, hey girl. It's time. Get started.
I've been a little slow to get back into the swing of life this week because I had very intense food poisoning while in Guatemala. One of the days I was literally vomiting from 4am to 2pm, every hour on the hour. Sometimes more. And then sometimes from the other end. It was really intense. I lost 10 pounds, like rapidly. I just want water to taste good again. My whole body feels off.
I also went to the dermatologist today and he gave me a slip saying I was diagnosed with "Acne" ... with a capital A. Like, lol. No kidding! I have topical creams to put on but they also want to do "surgery" where they make incisions in my face to open up my pores. And I alsooooo have to get my wisdom teeth out in about a month. The realities of my body. I feel a little bit like I'm falling apart.