Still sober. Not a lot to report. Today was the nicest day weather-wise in recent hIstory. Sunshine!!!!!!! I worked, went for a couple walks, exercised, read a little. Going to use the last of my vacation days and take a trip in February, which I'm really looking forward to. Being sober on vacation will be a hurdle but I'm looking forward to soaking it all in. I'll have hit a year at my job in March. Also been a year since my break up. Crazy. The passage of time is so surreal. And amazing.
As I hit and passed a month of sobriety (f yeah), I'm reminded of the month of sobriety I did last year (mid Jan to mid Feb) that screeched to an abrupt halt /relapse/ in a night with at least six shots of Jameson. And probably a lot of other drinks that I just don't remember. And really shameful choices. So. Much. Shame. It was a really hard time in my life. The end of a really meaningful relationship, a rocky transition out of a really hostile work environment. It was a perfect storm for an earth shattering huge motherfucking relapse. And my whole shit was 100% rocked. I fucked up in a lot of different ways and I was running on fumes. Totally depleted.
I feel like this time, I have a community of love & support and I feel compelled to be healthy. I'm ready to allow my relationship with alcohol and with myself to truly change. I am evolving and I'm so grateful. Definitely trying to not dwell on this time last year or the could have beens. I'm not running on empty right now. I'm slowly regenerating and I'm hydrating and I'm glowing and I'm moisturizing and I'm taking care of my goddamn self. I don't feel like a shell of a person anymore and I don't feel as paralyzed by depression and anxiety and self loathing.