Another day down. Trying to fight alcohol addiction has helped me fight other addictions too, I think. Or break cycles of harmful behavior. The one day at a time mentality keeps me centered, in many different aspects of life. I can handle one day. It's tiny. I can not do this undesirable behavior for one day. Oh, and then tack on another. And another. More specifically this relates to creating and maintaining boundaries, with humans close to me and humans no longer in my life. I think I've been intensely codependent at times in my life, and therapy has helped me learn about it and grow from it. This exercise in not drinking has helped too. I can depend on myself more now. I'm more reliable and more of a friend to myself than ever.
I keep thinking that I still want to drink but I went out to dinner with friends tonight and wasn't really tempted to even browse. Not because I thought I couldn't look - my interest level in alcohol is down and it doesn't feel like an option. It's easier to tell myself no completely than to barter with myself about how much I can have. It kind of feels shitty to think that I'm going to have to limit myself forever and that I can't "let loose." But then it's like. Hi you suck when you let loose so how about just don't do that. I'm not necessarily feeling down on myself - I'm just kinda having thoughts about kid gloves again. Like, I can't run with the big boys because I can't handle my liquor. I'm not sure where these feelings are coming from exactly. I just gotta trust that I'm working hard to become a better expression of myself. I'm trying to level up, mentally spiritually emotionally physically.