The marketing company I work for had a client festival this weekend. I feel very grateful overall. I am reflecting a lot on this year versus last year. Especially in regards to working the music festival.
Last year I got so drunk and cried a bunch in front of my friends and totally embarrassed myself. And then I called my ex like 12 times and it was just mortifying. And he just turned off his phone so it went to voicemail. It’s weird to think about how normal that kind of behavior was for me.
I told my sponsor about those thoughts and reflections, and she said we can work on forgiveness as we get into the "steps." Her exact words: "I think you have beat yourself up long enough. If that was your friend, would you be bringing it up a year after it happened?"
And no. I wouldn't. If it were a friend, I'd say..... oh honey. I love ya. I'm sorry that happened but you were doing the best you could under the circumstances and you've come such a long way. I'm proud of you.
I think that's a huge thing for me. Talk to myself the way I'd talk to a child or talk to a friend. Loving. Empathetic. Understanding.
I'm happy to be working on my spiritual self. And on loving myself. That has been a continual thing. And I guess that's an update too. From above. I do have a sponsor. After my friend relapsed, I realized I really want to focus on my sobriety and really dig deep.