I went to Nashville to see friends for my birthday. It was lovely. I feel so incredibly loved.
Drinking related revelations. 2014 birthday – got really drunk and made out with a guy named Champ who didn't want my phone number, even though I offered. 2015 birthday – got really drunk at my parents' lake house. 2016 birthday – got really drunk at my parents' lake house, "sobered up" and then drove to the downtown area to get a drink with a friend. And sobbed because my (then a fairly recent breakup) ex didn't wish me a happy birthday.
And there are 4-5 more drunken birthdays that precede that. I know I got very drunk on my 19th and 20th birthdays. 21 was an outlier because I was producing a festival. But I did get really drunk one night of the festival and tried to pour a glass of water on my friend and successfully drunk texted some guy who hurt my feelings. I don't remember if I drank on my 15-18 year birthdays.
I did cry a little bit today but it was because I was super moved by a book I was reading. It was a beautiful moment actually. I'm kind of rambling and I'm grateful that I only wasted 8-9 years drinking, instead of a lifetime.
It's all so strange. I'm grateful and sleepy and working toward contendeness. And that's good for now.