therapy today helped A LOT. i talked with my therapist a bunch about "crazy making" or "emotional chaos" - which mainly comes from people who are dishonest or not telling the whole truth. it's what my brain does when i'm trying to make sense of something that doesn't have a clear answer / that doesn't make sense. it goes along with the ida that you can't rationalize the irrational. i was really upset about the dude who told me he didn't want to see me anymore, but having a clear answer was better than being in limbo / wondering what he might think of me / why he wasn't texting me, etc. when i was trying to interpret him, that was crazy making. when i accepted that it wasn't a thing, i let go of some of the emotional chaos.
i started crying a bunch on the way to therapy and cried myself to sleep last night, too. i just kept thinking like "damn, i'm emotionally unwell" rather than focusing on the positive and supporting myself. after therapy though, i felt like a weight had been lifted off. sometimes it feels really good to just simply have someone say "you're not nutso – you were treated poorly and you're valid."