I recently looked back on old photos where I was drunk or drinking. My eyes were pretty much always half-closed and I was pretty much always making a half-scowl. I'm attaching a side by side photo thing below. I'm not scowling in the drunk picture but I'm definitely lacking some life in the eyes. I don't necessarily think that it's bad for people to let loose or do what they want, but for me - letting loose and doing what I wanted was p much just numbing all my feelings. I had no self-esteem. Like, even a little bit. I like the sober selfie though. I was particularly happy that day. I have some sad eye sober selfies now but not the same vacancy.
I feel a lot more whole, even though I'm dealing with a lot of the same issues I was then. I just feel more like... a person... again. It's really hard to explain in a way that's succinct and makes sense. I will try to articulate better in future posts. I know it's not a super drastic before/after but the girl on the left got wasted and said mean things to her boyfriend over the phone and the girl on the right when to a hip hop show and made meaningful memories and connections with dear friends. It's just a whole different state of being. And a deeper ability to be present / engage / feel sad, too, if that's what's up. Looking at some drunk Zoey pics did help a lil bit, cuz I've been feeling insecure a little in my sobriety the past week or so. Little reminders keep us on the path.